Is chivalry sexist?

My boyfriend asked this, and I had to think it over. The idea of chivalry today is basic politeness that applies to everyone; holding a door, offering an arm if you’re walking across a slippery sidewalk or picking up a dropped belonging is just common courtesy, no matter what your gender. Ordering for your partner at a restaurant, demanding to pay for every single date or starting a bar fight because someone checked out “your woman” slips away from a definition of chivalrous and instead begins to slide under the category of creepy and controlling.

It’s interesting that this came up a few days before the next “Twilight” movie comes to theaters. Lest anyone claims I don’t know what I’m talking about, let me point out that I read the books at least four times, saw the first movie in theaters six times and named my cat Alice. Trust me, I know my “Twilight.”

In fact, the more I got to know “Twilight” the more uneasy I became, until I lost much of my initial attraction to it. Edward is painted as chivalrous, but most of his behaviors fall under that creepy and controlling category. I looked up a few domestic violence screening quizzes and found that Bella’s relationship with Edward is classified as abusive.

We all know Edward: He’s sparkly and sexy. He drives a nice car and has a lot of money. He is totally obsessed with Bella: He stalks, spies, intimidates, restricts her activities and contact with family and friends, and often violently loses his temper.

We all know Bella: She’s delicate and smells good. She likes sun, books and being with her mother. After she meets Edward, these things change. She rejects the sun and she gives up all time formerly spent on books and her family to be with her boyfriend.

And why did their initial infatuation turn into die-hard, Romeo-and-Juliet, fairy-tale romance love? Well, because Bella smells good, and Edward is hot.

That’s it, really. Sure, there are a few other things, but they are minor and certainly are not well-developed. The relationship is based on basic, primal instincts: his thirst for her blood, and her thirst for his body.

Most fans argue that Edward has to behave the way he does because Bella needs protection. When I touched on this subject in a column last semester, indignant readers accused me of evaluating their precious, sparkly-in-the-sunlight Edward out of context.

But the thing is, Edward’s behavior in context is just as alarming. And Bella’s helplessness does not justify his behavior, it only adds to the alarm. Bella handles all domestic chores for her father. She is described by Edward as a kitten that thinks it’s a tiger, which was supposed to be a sign of her endearment, but in reality is belittling and insulting. Bella has the traditional feminine characteristics of being helpless and weak, whereas Edward is strong, controlling and dominant.

I’m sure Stephenie Meyer didn’t mean to portray her characters in an unhealthy way. Most of the issues probably stem from the fact that she’s not an especially talented writer. Her books are soft-core trashy romance novels for pre-teen girls. Meyer’s characters are one-sided and flat, and the traditionally romantic idea of extreme male dominance is glorified.

I think my boyfriend is sweet when he asks my opinion, encourages me to be more assertive, discusses politics and literature, and helps me with laundry. If he started hiring baby-sitters for me when he went hunting or refused to let me drive my own car, I would run the other way screaming. So I find it disturbing that most strong, independent women I know—including myself—fall all over the supposedly-perfect romance of Edward and Bella when it is clearly a dangerously unhealthy relationship. If we forget ourselves and subscribe to this nonsense, what about the 12 and 13 year old girls who have been given Edward as an example of a perfect, loving soulmate?

Dating violence among teenagers is a very real problem. According to http://www.livestrong.com/article/13801-teen-dating-violence/, “approximately one in three high school students have been or will be in an abusive relationship. Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.” It also states that “a survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship.”

These numbers are outrageous; they are simply too high for teenage pop culture to be praising and uplifting a classic controlling, abusive relationship as an example of true love and perfect romance.