Losing a job in the economy these days can be tough on anyone. Losing a job because you may have deserved it is another. Jeff Havens, comedian and motivational speaker, taught UW-Platteville students “how to get fired from a job” on March 23.

Havens developed a motivational speech on how to keep a job by using satire. “How to Get Fired” introduces students to ways people in the work force have been fired using a PowerPoint presentation that kept students’ interest as well as teaching them the importance of what not to do in the working world.

Photograph by Kate Olsen
Brian Spangler, junior mechanical engineer, was one of about 25 students that attended the “How to Get Fired” speech.

“This might be the most important lecture that you’ll attend in the four, or five or eight years you are in college,” Havens told the crowd.

Havens gave multiple reasons why people were fired from a job, including lying on your résumé, high absenteeism rate, inability to perform an assigned job task and the inability to get along with other people. He divided the reasons people get fired into three categories: General incompetence, a poor work ethic and being an asshole.

In order to be fired from a job, lying on your résumé would help you get the job. Items Havens said to lie about including changing your middle name to something that is catchy, lying about your GPA and increasing it by a point and lying about your employment and relevant skills.

The main point under the general incompetence section was to follow the directions exactly how they were given. An example given was when a boss asks you to get them to Buffalo for an event, only book them for a flight to Buffalo because that’s all they asked for.

Treating your job like the way you treat college was the most important step under a poor work ethic. Havens gave examples of when an employee should go and not go to work, like when students decide when to go to class and not go to class.

While the first part of his presentation was how to get fired from a job, this was not the reason for his presentation. Havens wants students to do the opposite of the examples he gave at the beginning.

Havens went back to lying on your résumé and how it was important not to lie even though it might make you look better.

“You will get caught if you lie on your résumé and will get fired from your job, no matter if you are good at your job anyways,” Havens said.

Havens said that businesses are doing more background checks on individuals in the last couple of years.

Havens also described that your first job may not be your dream job. He said not to complain about the system in which a company might have you start in an entry-level job to see if you can do well and have the ambition to rise in the company.