Twenty-five teddy bears armed with knives were allowed on campus. You’re kidding me, right? What next, 50 rubber ducks with police batons? 100 Elmos with brass knuckles demanding to be tickled or else? I would like to thank the campus police for risking their lives and limbs in disarming these clearly out of control, over-stuffed animals of mass destruction. My only hope is that people see these things for what they are: cute, furry terrorists of cuddly destruction, and put a stop to these outragous displays of cuteness. Without a doubt there will be a backlash from groups and organizations that support the “Right To Arm Bears,” but clearly this was a menace that had to be stopped before our entire society collapses into total chaos. My only concern now is what was done with these perpetrators, these 25 huggable monsters? Have they been arrested? No of course not, and why not, because who can resist their cute little innocent faces? They just look so loveable, who would dare lock them up? I would, for one, for it is but the first strike in an all out war against we, the humans, and how we have treated our toys in the past. For those of you who saw the Toy Story movies, just remember that they were told from our perspective. I wonder, if you asked the actual toys that were involved if they would tell it the same way? Also think about this: the 25 teddies that were busted went an entire week with out being detected. How many more do you suppose are out there that have yet to be discovered?

George R. Bauer II
Senior
Building Construction
Management